Ugh

Well that sucked, and no two ways about it.  Dropping back under .500, coupled with this loss tonight, has already made my first point here inaccurate, but the playoffs are still possible.  Not likely, certainly not the way the Mets have been playing, but possible.

God, there's nothing like letting the worst team in baseball get on a winning streak.

On the plus side, at least somebody seemed pissed off about it.  Sure, too little, too late; but it's better than nothing, I guess.

The Mets Can't Do Anything Right

Well, this is probably the right decision, but god this was handled badly. Really, if you're going to fire Willie Randolph, you should have done it like three weeks ago, rather than letting him squirm for almost a month and then dragging his ass out to California.

Really, if you're going to fire him, you should have done it last October. Glargh.

Quarter Century

Well, there's not really a good way to bring this up, but today marks the 25th anniversary of the death of my sister. Yeah, it's a crummy anniversary, but you know what? Fuck you. I don't like it any more than you do.

So I've been without my older sister for a quarter century now. Wow. Do you know who says things like that? Old people. But you know what? I'm not that old. I was only 9 when she died. She wasn't that old either: 11 years and 12 days. She died so long ago that in a lot of ways I barely remember her, but I was just a fucking kid. I mean really, how much shit do you remember from when you were a nine-year-old?

One of the things that I do remember: after the funeral, my best friend Matt C. (as a nine-year-old himself) telling me what a shame it was, my sister not getting to play with all of the toys she'd just gotten. Of course, that was the only level upon which my best friend, another person who'd also been on this planet for less than a decade, could appreciate this event: she'd died, and she wouldn't get to play with all of the toys she'd just gotten. It's 25 years later and I still don't think that's funny.

Were she alive today, she'd be 36 years old. 36! My god, she'd have grey hair and wrinkles (like me)! Maybe even a husband and children. I might be an uncle many times over, instead of just once; I could have nieces and nephews galore, instead of just one. My whole life might be different.

And of course, that's what this is all about. How would my life be different, if she were still alive? Would it be better? Well of course it would, I'd have my sister -- but would I be the same person? Would I be an asshole? I like to think that I turned out OK. But would my wife be my wife if I were a different person? She loves me how I am; but if my childhood had been like everybody else's, would she love me more? Or not at all?

And there we are. Who am I? Sometimes my memories of her are so clear, and then other times it's like I can barely remember who she was. It's been so long. She died 25 years ago; I have friends from high-school or college who don't even know I had a sister.

I still miss her though.

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How Many More Times Will I Have To Post This?

No more than 99, at any rate.